Moving Past Your Fears in Divorce

Two thousand years ago, Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War, "Those who know when to fight, and when not to fight are victorious." This applies now. as then, to divorce. If you can settle satisfactorily, you have won.

If your marriage is in trouble, there are some key steps to take to protect yourself.  And while you may still be hoping that things will work out, there is simply no substitute for being prepared in the event that they don’t. Knowledge is power and money is key. Set aside money and gather information now, so that you are in the driver’s seat regardless of what happens. 

If you are contemplating a divorce, you may be shopping around to find a divorce lawyer to represent you. At the initial consultation, there are several important questions that you should ask.

That’s a question many women face and often they decide to do nothing, at least for the time being. Without a separation agreement though, you may be facing some financial perils down the line.

Usually, there are obvious reasons to cut ties. But sometimes, there are no clear-cut issues at all: You're just not happy. But what if it hasn't reached such an extreme? How do you know when to let go then? You have to decide for yourself how much is enough.

If you are married to a narcissist, and want a divorce, buckle your seat belt. A narcissist is completely self-serving and selfish, and utterly lacking in empathy. They will stop at nothing to “win.” The only way to survive while divorcing a narcissist is to recognize who you are dealing with, roll up your sleeves and go to war. The following advice will help orient you to the battle ahead.

The only thing harder than getting through the emotional roller coaster that is divorce? Getting through it when you know your ex has moved on with someone new. Here then, is advice for moving on when your ex has left you for someone else.

If you are going through a divorce and need to generate income, consider starting your own business. Many newly divorced women have found they would rather create work constructed to fit their needs, and that it is very possible to earn what they need when they become their own boss.

During divorce, you are barraged by numerous tasks to get your life in order. If you are committed to not just surviving, but thriving, then learning to identify what is a true priority and eliminating nonessentials is critical.

Two facts: divorce is hard on everyone and your lawyer is not a therapist. A lawyer charges much more per hour than a therapist and doesn’t have the education, training and skills to address your needs. A successful divorce requires a team, which includes a qualified therapist.

Your parenting plan or custody agreement outlines how you and your children’s father will continue to care and provide for your children after you separate. An effective plan is personalized to fit the needs of your family situation and contains the following information.

There is a solution to all the emotional pain that can be overwhelming during divorce. The answer may surprise you: It is the attitude of gratitude. Gratitude will get you through the darkest days and pull you out of grief to a new and better life.

Radical acceptance requires that you look upon yourself, others, and the world in an entirely new way. You must be willing to let go of your ideas about how things “should be” and simply accept the way things are. Fighting reality only intensifies suffering.

You might think that reasoning with your ex to bring him to his senses will work. Wrong! The bully is unconcerned with you or the children’s well-being. Regain your power by understanding what constitutes bullying, and what does and doesn’t work.

55 year old Sharon arrived in my office with shoulders hunched and downcast eyes. She explained that her marriage of 25 years was over, and that she was going to start looking for a job as a secretary. Sharon is now the successful CEO of a multi-million dollar company.

Evidence shows that divorced women are finding their lives are often healthier, happier and more fulfilling than those of their married counterparts. And they are learning that they can raise healthy, happy, successful children on their own.

Divorce does not have to be the end of your life and it does not have to be an endless, complicated undertaking. It is an opportunity for a new and better life, but first there are three essential truths you must come to terms with and accept.

No one intends to end a marriage before it even begins. But the truth is, we only leave a marriage in one of two ways – death or divorce. We plan extensively for death, be it our own or our partner’s, so why not plan for divorce? Especially when half of first-time marriages end in divorce, 65% of second marriages, and 79% of third marriages.